What On Earth Is That On Your Wrist ?

Oh, my word. What on earth is that on your wrist ? It’s not demure or subtle, now is it ? Is it heavy ? When you take it off at night do you have to put it on a reinforced night stand ?

OK, if you haven’t guessed my now, I’m slating watches. Maybe not ‘slating’ per se, more just trying to get a point across. I mean gents watches can be humongous, no ? With about as much style and finesse as an eighties shell suit. If you wore one, then I’m sorry, no offence. At the time I’m sure you thought you looked way cool, who am I to judge, I was a tank-top man and if I could borrow a pair, then I might even sport some leg warmers. I was sixteen so I’m excused, a little bit at least.

Before we get on to the actual need for a watch let’s have a chat about lady’s watches, shall we. Elegant, stylish accessories. They are petite and subtle. Sometimes they seem almost embarrassed to be out with you and prefer to be hiding away shyly. Unless, of course there are a bazillion tiny gemstones embedded in the strap and face, then they have to sparkle like a midnight sky in summer. They compliment though, they are not the centre of attraction they are the support. They’re not trying to be Elvis, they are the TCB band, just Taking Care of Business, while the headliner takes all the adulation.

Just glance a sideways look across the page to that exquisite timepiece. You could hang that from your ear and no one would think you were being ostentatious. Slim, respectful and unassuming. Man I could do ads for this lot, not that they need any help, just saying though.

Even if you want to go ultra modern in a retro kind of way there’s this one on the left. What’s not to like about that. Look at the strap, that ain’t never breaking. It looks like it’s been braided with liquid gold. Who doesn’t like some red digital digits, I know I do. It reminds me of the Casio days, not quite halcyon but close. Ladies and those who prefer the ‘less in your face’ stylish look, I applaud all of you, as it is down to your taste that these types of watches have stayed the test of time and haven’t turned into something grotesque. Talking of which, let’s talk about the other ones.

It did’n’t seem that long ago that there was a standing innuendo joke concerning men and the size of their cars. Anyone remember that ? In fact, over time, I’m sure it covered flashy, expensive cars as well. Maybe that was the green-eyed monster coming out. While we’re on the subject of green-eyed monsters, have a look at this beast.

Feast your eyes on that. Breath taking isn’t it. That there, my friends, is the Rolex ‘Hulk’ Submariner, that’s right ‘Hulk’. Nothing like wearing a watch named after your favourite super hero, now is there. You might have to have arms like the Hulk to carry this one off. I just did a quick search and there is one for sale on the ‘Bay of Ease’. Have a guess how much for this little green gem. Second hand, that’s used not just for the second hand, will cost you just short of 20k, that’s right, you’ll get some loose change from twenty thousand dollars. I have two please, one for each wrist. You’d need two or you’ll be all out of whack as far as balance goes. Actually, with two on, you’ll be like the ‘Hulk’ dragging your knuckles along the floor. Maybe that’s what they were designed for, I’m not saying you have to be a Neanderthal to wear one but it would obviously help.

Enough of this. Wear a watch, keep track of the time. I don’t wear a watch, I have no idea why not. I think I used to forget to put it on in the mornings and then stopped trying to remember, just left it off. Now I am watch free and have been for most of my adult life. I’m timeless.

You see, now, I don’t need one. My senses are now finely tuned. I have an innate ability to know what time it is to within a few minutes. It’s not a superpower but it is useful. All I do is rely on the timepieces that are dotted around everywhere. Wake up in the morning and I’m looking at an alarm clock. Down to the kitchen and there’s a clock on the wall and on the cooker. The car has one. Wherever I’m going to be has one. Most of us have a phone, guess what ? It has a clock on it.

We are surrounded by time, it is all consuming and encompassing. Governed by it, ruled by it, our lives revolve around it like the planets around the sun. You have to be on time. Have your work finished by a certain time. Be at work, stay at work and leave work, on time.

Give yourself a break, enjoy your time. Try not to be governed by that dial on your wrist. Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock, is that the theme tune to your day ?